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Anger and Your Driving: Use Self-Talk to Create Safer Vistas
Date: January 28, 2001
Place: Fashion Island, Newport Beach, California
The incident: Jane, a middle aged professional woman had an altercation with another woman who accosted her after she refused to give up her parking spot.
Jane...
Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD - Part 1: Practicing Excellent Self-Care
As an adult with ADD and an ADD Coach, I have observed some skills that I believe are essential for successful ADD management. The first of these skills is: Practice Excellent Self-Care. There are many components of self-care that one must pay...
Exploring the "Should's": Is it Necessity, Desire, or Guilt?
How many times a day do you find yourself using the word "should"? ADDers are full of "should's": I should do the dishes, I should clean out the fridge, I should see that movie, I should call my friend, etc. The word "should" can be very dangerous...
Stressed Out? Try These Relaxation Techniques
Copyright 2005 Wendy Owen Relaxation techniques for stress management There are three main types of relaxation techniques you can practice when you feel upset and stressed out. If you practice them regularly, they will become part of your...
What's with my Hair Falling Out !?
“Yeeee gads! My hair is falling out!” This is a cry that can affect your whole family for long, awkward moments. What is it with your hair? Is it gone forever?
Let's clear up some confusion and try to notch down some panic about this kind...
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Exploring the "Should's": Is it Necessity, Desire, or Guilt?
How many times a day do you find yourself using the word "should"? ADDers are full of "should's": I should do the dishes, I should clean out the fridge, I should see that movie, I should call my friend, etc. The word "should" can be very dangerous to an adult with ADD, because it often results in guilt.
In order to break through this and help you prioritize the things that you "should" do, try exploring your "should's" by asking yourself the following question:
Is this a necessity, a desire, or guilt? Here are some examples:
I should do my taxes.
Necessity: If you don't do your taxes, you can find your finances slipping out of control. You can end up owing the government penalty fees. And you will absolutely have undue stress. This "should" is a necessity.
I should buy that CD.
Desire: This is something that you want to make you happy. You like the music you hear, and therefore you want to own it. This "should" is a desire.
I should clean my house more often.
Guilt: If the "should" comes when you compare yourself to others, then guilt is probably involved. It often happens when we feel like we are not living up to the performance or expectations
Associated Websites
of others (or our perceived performance/expectations of others.) If you visit a friend's house and its neat and clean, you may falsely interpret this to mean that your friend cleans all the time. In reality, your friend may have spent hours cleaning her/his house before you arrived to make it look nice! If you are physically and mentally comfortable with the amount of time you spend cleaning your house, then cleaning more often is not a necessity, it's not a desire, its a "should" that is just useless guilt!
Try this exercise for a whole day. Every time you find yourself using the word "should," ask yourself if its a necessity, desire, or guilt. I promise that you'll feel a lot a better about all the things you think you "should" be doing!
About the Author
Jennifer Koretsky is a Professional ADD Management Coach who helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She offers a 90-day intensive skill-building program, workshops, and private coaching. Her work has been featured in numerous media, including The New York Times Magazine. To subscribe to Jennifer’s free email newsletter, The ADD Management Guide, please visit http://www.addmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm.
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